17 was a good year. I was living the high life, going to parties almost nightly, working in an Italian joint, lots of friends, you get the picture. I was also gifted with a baby girl that year. I was never supposed to be able to get pregnant, due to some private things that happened when I was little. While pregnant with her, the doctor informed me that I had cysts, and the beginnings of endo. My periods were insane, but like Mo said- normal to ME. I got married, had a couple more boys, amazingly, no problems, other than my body refuses to go into labor. Wish I'd known THAT when I was pregnant for 42 weeks with my daughter, lol. I digress...
I got diagnosed with cervical cancer in.. 2006, I think. Shocked the hell out of me. We talked about doing a hysterectomy right then, but I was stubborn. I felt (and still feel) that there was one more baby left in me. So began the regiment of birth control pills, Provera, shots, etc... Nothing worked. Had a couple of D&C's to help clear out the scar tissue... Funnnn stuff... Luckily for me, after a cone/laporoscopy, they were able to remove all the cancer cells, and I was good to go... sort of. My monthly hell became so unbearable I was constantly lugging around a heating pad to work, pillows for my aching back, and a bottle of pain pills for every cramp known to man. My depression also kicked into overdrive.
In 2007, they did a laporoscopy and discovered my left ovary overtaken by endo. They did the best they could, closed me up and sent me on my way. About every year, I'd call my doc, inform him it was time for a "rotor-rooter" as I lovingly call it, and we would go digging for gold. This year, it finally caught up with me. he went in, found all kinds of damage, and the left side completely scarred to the point it was growing in on itself. I had a lovely sized tumor in there, too. While I fought like hell to keep my uterus, it became clear that birth control pills were no longer "cutting it". By this point, I was into 2 week cycles and Provera wasn't stopping it. While the doctor called it "more bothersome than worry some", I knew it was time to do something. He prescribed me monthly shots of Depo Lupron. This cycle is a 6 month series, with relief lasting up to 5 years. To pump me up for this, my doc put me on double doses of Provera.
I experienced my first taste of menopause the following week.
First, the hot flashes. Okay. Fine. I can deal with those... I have a little fan on my desk, which helps with those. Cravings. Okay. I can deal with eating all the chocolate in sight- which I've never done before because I have extremely sensitive teeth. Emotions- now THAT is a whole other ball game.
I'm NOT A CRIER. Never have been. I'm emotional, sure... I love. I hate. I protect. Maybe it's the mother in me, maybe it's the healer in me. I want to help and heal anyone I meet with pain in their lives. It's who I am. My father emotionally detached from just about everything, so I went the opposite way and felt everything. However... nothing in the world could have prepared me for this.
My first taste of it was during a commercial. I can't remember now which one it was. But I'm here to tell you, I bawled like my life was ending. Next, Extreme Home Makeover- Home Edition. That's my favorite show. I watch it all the time. Never really got tears out of me, just kind of made me get that little catch in my chest, you know, the one you get when you are about to get all girly and crying.. not that I ever did. Until now. But the one that got me was... Valentine's Day. The movie. Not the day. Don't give two shits about the day. OR at least I didn't. I guess we'll have to see next year, lol.
This movie had me BAWLING by the end. I mean nose running, eyes streaming, loud noise BAWLING. So much that I made my 13 yr old daughter cry, lol. That should have been my first clue this would be a wild ride. After that, I read Dear John. Cried. Watched Baby Story on TLC. Cried. Hell, a dog could fart and I would cry.
And the ANGER. Holy Toledo... In the space of two months, I have gone on off on not only my partner but all the kids, and all my co-workers. Just the other day, I lost it on my boss, called him all kinds of names, told him he couldn't do his job, and stormed out. Of course, this was right after I won Employee of the Quarter... WTF? I mean, can I claim "Menapostal" on my unemployment form when I get fired? BC I'm surely going to be fired...
And can we talk for a moment about the damn FACIAL HAIR? Okay, I'm Greek. I do have some hair... issues. But this business of waxing my chin, neck, brows, and lip every two weeks while plucking in between is really really just too much. And the zits... I never had this many when I was a teenager. Now I'm lucky to go a week without a giant red zit that is completely un-poppable, which does not make my OCD side happy, lemme tell you.
Intimacy. Nonexistent. What used to be the rocking-ist part of my life has become.. just a rock. That's all I have to say about that.
Can't WAIT to see what the shot does next month.
Have you seen the Geico commercial with the little piggie that went "weeeeee" all the way home???
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...
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