Monday, August 30, 2010

Minty fresh! (Monica)

Yesterday while out and about, I stopped at a beauty salon and decided to ask them what the best shampoo for me would be, with my thinning hair and all.  After explaining to the woman what I was looking for and why, she pointed me towards something called "Nixoin".  Now I've never heard of this stuff, but according to her she has people come in with prescriptions for it (?!).  She said it's the best there is, and I will definitely see a difference.  I know, I know, it sounds like a sales pitch...and maybe it was.  But let me tell you, it worked.  (The pitch I mean.)  There's shampoo, conditioner, AND scalp treatment, but I only got the first two.  It smells like peppermint and left my scalp tingly; my hair is also really soft and shiny, so I'm hopeful that it WILL do what she said and help my hair come back.  It would be nice!

Also while we were out yesterday, I decided to try on a really hot pair of heels.  I search and search, find my size, try them on and am SO excited at how good my legs look.  I turn to my husband to ask what he thinks, and he says (loudly) "Are you okay?  Why are you all red?"  Now, just so those who don't know do, when a woman is having hot flashes, SHE TURNS RED SOMETIMES.  Please don't point this out to us, much less everyone around, because I had to respond "I'm having a hot flash.  That's what happens".  Mildly embarrassing.   I know he didn't mean to, he was just honestly concerned, but still.

That's about it from Menopauseland today.  Until next time...

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Is snow in Florida in August REALLY too much to ask?!

When you hear the astounding story on the news about the family that froze inside their own home, just so you know, it's mine.

My nightly routine usually consists of this: get the kids in bed, spend some time watching TV/movies or playing video games with the hubs (yep, I'm a gamer chick).  By about 9:30 or 10 I take a shower (I have to apply my hormone gel to clean shoulders at about the same time every day), put on the hormone gel, then go to bed.  Last night did NOT go according to schedule.  Last night was one of the incredibly rare nights that I DIDN'T have trouble sleeping; in fact, by 9:30 I was exhausted.  After getting the fan page for the blog on Facebook squared away (if you haven't found us yet, please do!) I went in and crashed out.  No shower, no hormones...BIG problem.  I woke up a few times hotter than Hades with absolutely no idea why.  When I finally woke up for good this morning, I was sweating like crazy and just not a happy camper.  Finally realized WHY, so I got cleaned up and put them hormones on, but I have a feeling that it's going to take a little bit to "normalize" since that was a few hours ago and I'm still having hot flashes.  My husband (apparantly he can only take so much) bumped our thermostat up, so in response I put the ceiling fan on gale force wind and have been sitting under it, wishing for snow.  So far, not happening.

Maybe I should move to the Arctic.

Friday, August 27, 2010

ARRGH. (Monica)

Today has just been one of those days.


My bitchiness has been in overdrive, I'm telling you.  For instance, this morning my husband and I got up, got the kids ready and out the door, then plopped down on the couch (he's on stand down this week).  I was thinking about playing my BioShock 2, when he turned on the 360 and started playing it himself.  I slowly felt myself morphing....from reasonable, slightly-tired-but-happy Monica into..Dun dun dun...MEGABITCH.



I know it's ridiculous.  But I seriously wanted to just scream at him!   I didn't, I just kept my mouth shut and basically stewed in my own juices.  The feeling was horrible, but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't shake it.  I ended up just going in the other room and putting on my makeup so I was ready to go when it was time for us to leave to have lunch with the kids.  After we left I was okay; had a good time eating with the kids at school, then went and drove around for a bit with a stop at the grocery store.  I did get mildly irritated a time or two for the remainder of the day, but nothing as ridiculous as this morning.  This hasn't been exclusive to today, however.  The littlest things irritate me, the dumbest things.  I know I talked about this before, but I wanted to give an example.  It'll get better, I know, but in the meantime I feel like the Queen of Hearts, at every turn I just want to yell "OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!!!".



Just a short blurb today, I know.  But I'm off to relax and enjoy the rest of my (hopefully aggravated free) evening with my husband and kiddos. <3

Thursday, August 26, 2010

And the beat keeps runnin', runnin'.... (Monica)

Today wasn't so bad.  A hot flash here or there, but last night I actually slept (exhaustion will do that to you!) and today I got to spend the day with my husband, whom I was only mildly bitchy to.  The only things that have been a little aggravating (other than the fact that my stomach is still swollen and hurting) is the chills and the oil.

Yes all, these are two of those lovely menopausal things that I've discovered on my own.

The hot flashes were expected; the night sweats as well.  But the chills came out of left field!  WTF?!  Gah.  I'll be just fine, then suddenly freezing.  So I put on a blanket, turn off the fan (which is almost always running; when it's 98 out with 100% humidity, it has to be) and then I'm sweating like a pig.  So I suppose the bigger problem is that I can't regulate my body temperature.  It swings one way, then the other, and the whole while I'm trying to find a happy medium.  Incredibly frustrating, and the worst part is that there is NO solution.

Another battle I've been having recently is that my skin on my face is so OILY!!!  I was always combination~slightly oily t-zone, dry cheeks~but now it's just oily.  Period.  Everywhere.  I put on makeup, and it's like B.P. hit my face, not the ocean. (Too soon?)  I shine and reflect light like someone greased up at the beach, and it makes me absolutely insane!  I've even tried using some primers that are supposed to help with excess oil (namely Oil Slick by Urban Decay and Photo Finish primer by Smashbox).  They make a slight difference, but I guess my skin has other ideas.  *sigh*  I wish I could find a decent face wash for someone in this situation now; I'm currently using Purity Made Simple by Philosophy, but I think it's a little too moisturizing.  I have also been using Help Me nightly retinol cream by Philosophy, which is supposed to help with acne AND fine lines.  That stuff is awesome.  But as far as a face wash goes...any suggestions?


I realize that most of this is rambling...as most will be.  But hey, it's do this or light my hair on fire and run naked screaming down the street.  And seeing as how I have body issues, I choose this.

Good day. :P

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Lather, rinse, repeat. (Monica)

I had to go back in to the doctor today; my hysterectomy was only about a month ago, and I'm still having problems with swelling/pain.  I went into my doctor last week for them to check it out, then they wanted me to come in again today.  She gave me an A+ on my external healing, but doesn't understand why I'm still having pain, so she scheduled an ultrasound for me.  Unfortunately they can't get me in until the 13th of next month.  Gah.  I'm weaning off the pain meds though, so that's a good thing.  The hot flashes however...not so much.

I mentioned to my doc that I'm having problems sleeping and am still incredibly emotional.  She decided to up my hormones; instead of one pump per shoulder, I do a total of three.  She told me, however, that I'm still only getting the same amount that a woman of 45 would get, so they may yet up them some more.  That seemed incredible to me!  I'm really concerned about how this is going to affect me overall.  I take a multivitamin made for women who are going through this, mostly because I want to make sure I'm getting the additional calcium (bone density drops radically during menopause).  My doctor told me that the hormones help with it, but I figure more can't hurt, right?  And unlike Nikki, I'm not having much of a problem with my skin (I've broken out since I was about 12, and my facial acne has actually gotten much better since the surgery).  Sex isn't a problem, since I'm not allowed to have any until after 6 weeks, but stay tuned as that may change.  What concerns I do have are, in no particular order:


1. My Hair:  It's been falling out.  A LOT.  Some of it is because of the surgery itself (I've had a problem after every surgery with it), and some of it is the fact that I dyed my hair quite a bit.  But the fact that it's thinned so incredibly much is, while vain, still distressing.

2. The skin on the rest of my body: I've been breaking out on my chest and shoulders a LOT more.  I bought an anti-acne body wash, but to no avail.  I don't understand why it's happening, but am attributing it to hormones.

3. My bitchiness: I just can't seem to stop!  I don't want to be like this, and when I realize I'm doing it I stop and apologize (mostly to my husband, who bears the brunt, poor guy).  It's like I'm standing outside myself, watching myself be this huge bitch, and I seriously want to slap the hell out of me.  But seeing as how that would just make me look REALLY insane, I try to shut up.  (If you know me, you know that's not easy!)

4. My sleep (or complete lack thereof): I don't sleep normally anymore.  I've had problems off and on over the years, mostly with just not being able to "shut my brain off".  That's not the issue at this point though; right now it's that I'm SO restless.  I can't seem to hold still, and if I do fall asleep I wake up every 45 minutes to an hour afterwords.  Then I look at the clock, curse the luck, and lie there staring at the ceiling listening to my husband snore like a freight train before dozing off again, only to wake up about 45 minutes to an hour later...lather, rinse, repeat.  Gah.

5. My kids: I can't imagine what it's like for them to have to watch me ride this roller coaster.  I try to keep my temper, and for the most part do a good job (I think).  I just don't want them to grow up thinking that the way I'm behaving is "normal".  Because I seriously nowadays don't even like myself anymore.

I think that's the biggest issue of all.  I know for a fact that at this moment in time, I wouldn't be friends with me.  And that's a horrible feeling!  I'm working on it, and my husband keeps telling me that it's ridiculous for me to feel this way.  (Note: DO NOT TELL A WOMAN GOING THROUGH MENOPAUSE THAT SHE'S CRAZY FOR SAYING/DOING/FEELING ANYTHING.  ALL IT WILL DO IS PISS HER OFF.)  He says that once the hormones are figured out, things will get back to normal, but I'm really starting to wonder what in the hell "normal" is!

I welcome any thoughts/comments, if you have any you'd like to share.  And if you made it through this, thanks. :)

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Hello, my name is Nikki, and I'm Menapostal...

17 was a good year. I was living the high life, going to parties almost nightly, working in an Italian joint, lots of friends, you get the picture. I was also gifted with a baby girl that year. I was never supposed to be able to get pregnant, due to some private things that happened when I was little. While pregnant with her, the doctor informed me that I had cysts, and the beginnings of endo. My periods were insane, but like Mo said- normal to ME. I got married, had a couple more boys, amazingly, no problems, other than my body refuses to go into labor. Wish I'd known THAT when I was pregnant for 42 weeks with my daughter, lol. I digress...

I got diagnosed with cervical cancer in.. 2006, I think. Shocked the hell out of me. We talked about doing a hysterectomy right then, but I was stubborn. I felt (and still feel) that there was one more baby left in me. So began the regiment of birth control pills, Provera, shots, etc... Nothing worked. Had a couple of D&C's to help clear out the scar tissue... Funnnn stuff... Luckily for me, after a cone/laporoscopy, they were able to remove all the cancer cells, and I was good to go... sort of. My monthly hell became so unbearable I was constantly lugging around a heating pad to work, pillows for my aching back, and a bottle of pain pills for every cramp known to man. My depression also kicked into overdrive.

In 2007, they did a laporoscopy and discovered my left ovary overtaken by endo. They did the best they could, closed me up and sent me on my way. About every year, I'd call my doc, inform him it was time for a "rotor-rooter" as I lovingly call it, and we would go digging for gold. This year, it finally caught up with me. he went in, found all kinds of damage, and the left side completely scarred to the point it was growing in on itself. I had a lovely sized tumor in there, too. While I fought like hell to keep my uterus, it became clear that birth control pills were no longer "cutting it". By this point, I was into 2 week cycles and Provera wasn't stopping it. While the doctor called it "more bothersome than worry some", I knew it was time to do something. He prescribed me monthly shots of Depo Lupron. This cycle is a 6 month series, with relief lasting up to 5 years. To pump me up for this, my doc put me on double doses of Provera.

I experienced my first taste of menopause the following week.

First, the hot flashes. Okay. Fine. I can deal with those... I have a little fan on my desk, which helps with those. Cravings. Okay. I can deal with eating all the chocolate in sight- which I've never done before because I have extremely sensitive teeth. Emotions- now THAT is a whole other ball game.

I'm NOT A CRIER. Never have been. I'm emotional, sure... I love. I hate. I protect. Maybe it's the mother in me, maybe it's the healer in me. I want to help and heal anyone I meet with pain in their lives. It's who I am. My father emotionally detached from just about everything, so I went the opposite way and felt everything. However... nothing in the world could have prepared me for this.

My first taste of it was during a commercial. I can't remember now which one it was. But I'm here to tell you, I bawled like my life was ending. Next, Extreme Home Makeover- Home Edition. That's my favorite show. I watch it all the time. Never really got tears out of me, just kind of made me get that little catch in my chest, you know, the one you get when you are about to get all girly and crying.. not that I ever did. Until now. But the one that got me was... Valentine's Day. The movie. Not the day. Don't give two shits about the day. OR at least I didn't. I guess we'll have to see next year, lol.

This movie had me BAWLING by the end. I mean nose running, eyes streaming, loud noise BAWLING. So much that I made my 13 yr old daughter cry, lol. That should have been my first clue this would be a wild ride. After that, I read Dear John. Cried. Watched Baby Story on TLC. Cried. Hell, a dog could fart and I would cry.

And the ANGER. Holy Toledo... In the space of two months, I have gone on off on not only my partner but all the kids, and all my co-workers. Just the other day, I lost it on my boss, called him all kinds of names, told him he couldn't do his job, and stormed out. Of course, this was right after I won Employee of the Quarter... WTF? I mean, can I claim "Menapostal" on my unemployment form when I get fired? BC I'm surely going to be fired...

And can we talk for a moment about the damn FACIAL HAIR? Okay, I'm Greek. I do have some hair... issues. But this business of waxing my chin, neck, brows, and lip every two weeks while plucking in between is really really just too much. And the zits... I never had this many when I was a teenager. Now I'm lucky to go a week without a giant red zit that is completely un-poppable, which does not make my OCD side happy, lemme tell you.

Intimacy. Nonexistent. What used to be the rocking-ist part of my life has become.. just a rock. That's all I have to say about that.

Can't WAIT to see what the shot does next month.

Have you seen the Geico commercial with the little piggie that went "weeeeee" all the way home???

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...

Welcome!

Hello, my name is Monica, 30 years old, and I'm Menapostal.  I mean Menopausal.  Eh, close enough.

I know that a woman my age going through menopause is unusual...but not as unusual as you'd think.  My best friend Nikki and I are BOTH going through it.  We've found, while on this "adventure", that there are many things we were told to expect, and many that we'd never even heard about and had to discover the hard way.  In our commiseration we came up with the idea for this blog.  We know there are more women out there who, like us, are experiencing "the change" while still rather young.  So we decided that this would be a terrific way to help reach out to these women, where we can all share our experiences and the issues and difficulties we face while in this phase of our lives.  So this, the first entry, is my story as to how I got here and the ripe young age of 30; the next entry will be Nikkis story, because as you'll see, we're both going through it, but in VERY different ways.

 Growing up, I always had very heavy and quite painful periods.  I assumed that it was normal, because it was MY normal.  I dealt with it (not happily) and just dreaded that time of the month.  After getting married and suffering a miscarriage, I was thrilled to get pregnant with my son.  During my pregnancy they found that I had an incompetent uterus, as well as cysts on my ovaries.  I was told the cysts would go away after the pregnancy was over and that they were brought on by hormones.  I gave birth to him (via c-section) in 2003, and my periods got worse; nothing more was said about the cysts however, so I assumed they went away.  The same thing was found when I was pregnant with my daughter, but again after giving birth to her (also via c-section) in 2005 nothing more was said.  At this point my periods were unbearable, sometimes making me want to do nothing but lay in bed for days on end, but with two kids and a husband in the Navy that's obviously impossible.  So I dealt with it and kept on truckin'.  Finally in 2010, between the pain and the fact that I started spotting in between my periods, I went in to see an OB/GYN.  They ran some tests and poked around and found that I had endometriosis (tissue build up on the outside of the uterus, fallopian tubes, and tends to attack scar tissue), adenomyosis (build up of tissue in the gaps inside the muscle of the uterus), poly-cystic ovaries, and uterine fibriods.  Needless to say, a hysterectomy (removal of the uterus) was necessary, and because everything was so overrun they had to also do an oopherectomy (removal of the ovaries).  As soon as I came out of surgery, I was in menopause. 

I am on hormone treatment (I rub a gel called Elestrin on my shoulders once daily every day), and while it seems to help a lot of the symptoms, I still have quite a few.  Hot flashes, mood swings, chills, trouble sleeping...the list is endless.  I think the worst is the mood swings.  I feel like the worst person ever because I get so irritated so quickly!  I'm incredibly bitchy, although that's not saying much because I was before this too.  The night sweats are rough too; nothing quite like the feeling that you took a shower in bed while asleep.  I'm fortunate that I have a wonderful husband who is willing to deal with/help me through this. 

Now that you have a background...well, from here on out I'll just be blogging about things that happen with me as far as the menopause is concerned.  Any stories, comments, tips, or opinions are more than welcome, but there will be NO tolerance for arguing or bullying,  I look forward to hearing from more women who are in the same boats we are!